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here's the deal...
last semester i got stupid depressed... the kind of depressed i was when i first got my LJ. i missed a tone of lectures and coursework, and just as i was getting back on my feet, my Gran died.
i the ignored this fact for the entire winter, until the last week when i finally told my dad.
he was unbelievably supportive, and he set up a revision plan, monitoring me and stuff.
he even had me email him everyday while i wasn't at home during exam season, however i was still in a really frajile state at this point, and whenever i though about things in the long term i'd have a panic attack and not be able to function.
however, when i just foccused on my exams, i felt a lot more comfortable, and by the end of it i knew i'd failed a lot, but i felt hopeful i may have passed a couple.
i didn't... in fact, i failed so badly i got less that 30% in EVERYTHING.
this struck me harder than i lead it to be believed, and i started to deteriorate again.
however, i pushed myself a lot harder this semester to try and make things work.
alas, it seems again my efforts were in vain, and before i knew it, i was failing again. however, this was more due to the fact that i just wasn't getting the work done or done correctly, or even just handed in, rather than simply not going to lectures or leaving the flat.
today i had a long chat with my course head. he said i had one of 3 options.
i quit. i leave uni and i consider doing something else for a while.
i carry on and work hard, hopefully managing to scrape a pass, or if not, retaking the year.
or, i take a 'leave of absence' - meaning i am granted admission next year on the grounds that my previous year is wiped completely form the record, and i start a fresh - on the condition that i get psychiatric treatment during my leave, and i have a written letter from both my psychiatrist and GP stating that they feel i'm able to come back, and also show proof that i have the necessary support here, ready for when i come back.
and basically, i've decided to do that.
i don't want to... i want to be able to say, PAH, i don't need that, and storm into my exams getting 100% in everything...
but that is literally, physically impossible now.... he kept saying i needed to acknowledge that i do have a '

roblem' and i need to sort it out.
i suppose in some ways it must be true... i just hate the fact that i have it... because i shouldn't have it, because i constantly tell myself that i'm just being an emo shit, and nothings gunna change that unless i stop being a lazy arse and do something about it....
anyways, i just thought i'd fill you guys in on the situation.
i'm leaving uni to hopefully go back in September.
failing that, January.
i'll be getting myself a full time job for the first time EVER and... maybe even lose some weight O.O

lol... it's so surreal me writing this... i don't think it's sunken in that... i actually have... no work, what so ever, to do... and nothing to worry about.... it's a really scary though...
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this is for the benifit of all you Jrock peeps who haven't seen these before:
Kagrra, Story:
[link]hell on the performance stage:
[link]Gazette Story:
[link]sorry about loading time... ther first one's over 130 images so...

i mights wanna state now that these were insomniac moments... it was 5 am and i was completely out of it - i hadn't slept for 3 weeks >.<
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[note] please point out/correct my clear spelling errors... one must learn these things

[further note:..... fran you petty pice of broccoli... i am aloud to leave off 'g's you know!..... but i corrected it anyways]
[further further note:..... alex... we all make typos you moron ¬_¬]
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and now me stuff (for the benifit of people wanting to bye me things

)
manga i have:
...but i'm your teacher
Alichiro 1 and 2
Arm of Kannon 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9
Audition 1
Battle Angel Alita: Angel of Death
Battle Angel Alita: Last Order 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9
Battal Royale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, and 15
Boy Princess 1 and 2
Chobits 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 (complete!)
Confidential Confessions 1, 2, 3, 5 and 6 (it's short stories so it's aloud!)
Cowboy Beebop 1, 2 and 3 (complete!)
Cowboy Beebop Shooting Star 1 and 2 (-got discontinued, thus complete!)
Densha Otoko (Train man) 1
DVD 1 and 2
Gamerz Heaven 1 and 2 (Chinese)
Gravitation 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 (Japanese)
Gravitation 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12 (complete!)
Gravitation EX 1
Gravitation: The Novel
Gravitation: Voice of Temptation
Good Luck 1, 2, 3 and 4
GTO 1, 2, 4, 5 and 6
.Hack 1, 2 and 3 (complete!)
INVU 1, 2 and 3 (-got discontinued, thus complete!)
Kampai 1 and 2
Kill Me Kiss Me 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 (completed!)
Lamet of the Lamb 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 (complete!)
Let Dai 1 and 2
Love Pistols 1 and 2
Man's Best Friend
Mega Tokyo 1, 2 and 3
[link]Miyukichan in Wonderland
Not So Bad 1 and 2
Pretear 1
Priceless 1, 2 and 3
Rrealbout High School 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 (complete!)
Red Prince 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 (Chinese)
-Remote- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7
Shaolin Sisters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 (complete)
Snow Drop 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9
Tekkon Kinkreet: Black and White
Tenshi ja Nai 1
Vampire Princess Miyu 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5
The Wonderer 1 and 2
xxx Holic 1
Yabisaki Milk Tea 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6
Yonen Buzz 1
total: 161 (excluding other lanugage ones)
181
sellingA.I. Love You 1
Battle Royale 6 and 14
Deamon Diary 1, 2 and 3
GTO 4 and 7
Lament of the Lamb 6
Rave Master 1
i've also read:Akira (up to 5)
Bleach (reading atm)
Bring it on!
Buss Game (just the 1)
Chibi Vampire (up to 4)
Cresent Moon
Deamon Diary
Death Note
Diablo (just the 1)
Eerie Queerie
Escaflowne
FAKE
Fushigi Yugi: the Mysterious Play
Fruits Basket (not a fan)
Girl Got Game
Gravitation remix (what's been transalted)
GTO
GTO: the Early Years (reading atm)
Life (up to 3)
Loveless
Love Mode
MARS
Model (up to 3)
Naruto (reading atm)
Nosatsu Jinuki (up to 3)
Petshop of Horrors (just the 1)
Planet Ladder
Princess Princess (just the 1)
Rurouni Kenshin (up to 6)
Saiyuki
Saiyuki Reload (up to 8)
Tramps like us
Under the Glass Moon
Wild Adapter (up to 2)
You Are My Secret (just the one)
Shojo Beet (i own):Sep '05
Oct '05
Dec '05
Jan '06
Feb '06
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anime:
Akira: ultimate collection
The Cat Returns (special editions)
Beyblade vol 1
Beyblade v-force vol 5 (Japanese)
Gravitation: Lyrics of love
Gravitation: TV serise 1
Grave of the Fierflies
Kiki's Delivary Service
Naussica of the wally of the wind (special edition)
Neo Genesis: Evageligon: Death and Rebirth
Pom Poko (special edition)
Porko Rosso (special edition)
Princes Mononuke
Spirited Away
Tekkon Kinkreet
Oh My Goddess 1
Only Yesterday
Outlaw Star (collectors edition)
sellingIchi the Killer
Blood: The Last Vampire
Ninja Scroll - complete boxset
Vampire Princes Miyu 1
Amazon wishlist, search: frebble_cheese@hotmail.com *hint hint* XDDD
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me pallies: ^.^
friends in real life:
~
adropofjupiter 
~
aiuchijitsuka~
Aneath~
andytopia~
Ashla~
brat-princess~
cheesy~
chibit-Toria~
ChoGonou~
dante-kimachi~
DasFleisch~
Dasseling~
deathnoted~
Dollporn~
drowned-kitten~
filledelafeuille~
geneticbomb~
Kinsao~
Kozue-kun~
La-Fee-Verte-bohemia~
Midgette~
Mikal69~
MiniStarfish~
panda-pie~
PiercedTeen~
rainygirl ~
risuke~
redthing*
redderz~
Sepulchrave~
tak-o-pop~
Throw~
x-TatteredxKissesonline friends:
~
aRnie41gothrockgirl~
xBleedingxThornx 
~
Cactus-Army~
chubbythug~
dhillman*
eternal-aeris~
firefly376~
gemhedge~
Ilex-Aquifolium~
IvySan~
kikikun - wife
~
LadyEmrys~
messoatheon~
ophelia13~
PluQ~
TheSorceress~
Spring-Kalim~
Taco-San 
~
thingmakenoise~
Vision-Pixels~
whisperimaginaryoopsies... i joined a club

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